Grief and Bereavement is very much personal thing. There’s no exact time frame for when things start to feel better. Coping with the loss of a loved one, a close friend, a family member or even someone you looked up to in society such as a celebrity or music artist can and will take time. So it stands to reason that when we understand the process and stages of grief, we begin to gather an understanding of why we feel the way we do when someone passes away. The first thing to remember is that Grief is Universal, meaning that at some point in our life, everyone will experience grief. For the most part, it stems from the death of someone we know and love, however it may be as a result of the loss of a job, or even the end of a relationship. It does not follow timelines or schedules; it is not neat nor is it linear. It will stir up a roller coaster of emotions at any given time. One moment you may feel angry and frustrated, while at other times you may withdraw from those around you and take some time to cry and reflect…. this is all very normal. Grief often is accompanied by a sense of feeling empty. As previously mentioned, grief is very much a personal thing, but what we have noticed is that there are some responses that are common in those going through this process. So, let's touch on the 5 main stages of grief. You may experience some, or you may experience all of them. and not always in the same order.
Stage One: DENIAL. Losing someone can be pretty overwhelming. It may even come unexpectedly through an accident or sudden illness, so it's normal to respond by acting like it never happened. The very act of denying it happened gives you time to process what happened. to gradually get your head around the changes and absence of your loved one being there when you expect them to be. Denial is the most confronting of all the stages. This is because your mind has refused to accept reality and pushed all those emotions to a part of your brain where you don’t have to deal with them. However, at some point, you will be confronted by all those emotions, and it can be a very difficult time.
Stage Two: ANGER. Where the denial is considered a coping mechanism, Anger is very much a masking effect. This stage of anger is hiding away all those emotions, pain, and suffering that you now carry. As a result, you may direct your anger at those around you, your family, work colleagues, pets, and even inanimate objects, or even at the person who died. Your anger may come across as resentment or bitterness, and not always present with the obvious signs of anger such as fury and rage. At this stage you may find it to be temporary or on the flip side, might last longer than expected. However, at some point, this too shall pass. your anger will begin to subside, and you will begin to process the feelings that you have been suppressing with a bit more rational and logical. It's important to remember that you are not always going to feel this way, and even more important to not allow others around you to tell you to “Get over it, accept it and move on”. This journey is yours, and it could be a long road ahead.
Stage Three: BARGAINING Right now, it may feel like it's just too much to handle. You may be feeling helpless and vulnerable like the pain will never go away. This may cause you to look for ways to make sense of it all and regain some kind of control. And here enters the bargaining process. As if by negotiating you can change the outcome of what happened. You may find yourself asking “If only” or “If “, or “how about if I do this or that” will that make things go back to the way they were? Some religious individuals may even try and make a deal or a promise to God in return for relief from grief and pain. It has been quoted that ” Bargaining is a line of defense against the emotions of grief. It helps you postpone the sadness, confusion and hurt”. At any stage, especially now, it's a good time to talk to someone. perhaps a counselor, your priest, a family member, or a good friend who is willing to listen. Remember …… you don’t have to journey alone. Stage Four: DEPRESSION The previous stages of grief such as anger and bargaining can feel very active, depression on the other hand is quite the opposite. Previously you were doing all you can to stay one step ahead of your emotions, trying to control them, however now things have started to make sense and have become more real, you may choose to isolate yourself from others to deal with your loss in a more structured manner.
Depression may give you the sense of feeling vague or mentally foggy, heavy, and confused. It can be difficult to navigate your thoughts and you may have a stronger sense of frustration and feelings of hurt. This is normal and you should not be alarmed, however, if you feel that you become stuck in this stage, it's best to seek professional advice. No, it does not mean that you are crazy just because you are seeking help. It's a very mature approach to dealing with things that are just a bit too much. In time you will see the benefits and things will become much easier…. trust me on this one when I say, getting help is so worth it. Step Five: ACCEPTANCE You are now at a stage where you have come to accept what happened. what it does not mean however is that you have moved past or forgotten about the loss of a loved one, the feeling, and emotions. It’s a time when you can fully process what this loss means to you at this moment, giving you a gateway to move forward and find comfort, peace, and happiness. You still may feel upset, different, emotional, and so on, and this is to be expected … after all you have just experienced a life-changing event. Take this as an opportunity to see that what lies ahead is more good days than bad. One step at a time, One day at a time, and before you know it, all those uncontrollable emotions you experienced in the past will hopefully remain there… In the past! You may still get days that you may just want to sit quietly by yourself and cry, and that’s perfectly ok. No one expects you to completely forget, after all this person meant something to you. Below are some useful links if ever you need to seek advice or have a chat. They are strictly confidential so you need not worry about what is said being passed on. https://beyondblue.org.au https://www.lifelinenb.org.au/get-help/support-groups/grief-loss-support-group/ https://www.grief.org.au/ACGB/Bereavement_Support/Counselling/ACGB/Bereavement_Support/Counselling_1/Counselling.aspx
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